What the...
Hey, anyone know why it's snowing so heavy in Il Mheg?

It is HEAVY. I just found a couple of pixies who got snowed over. I'll go check the Amaro are okay.
Everyone in the Winter Court okay?

It's fine up on the mountain... I guess Katt and Star are okay. But.. Urianger..?
Oh fuck. Oh fuck. Oh Gods.

His whole house is almost buried... Is he..?
Nevermind. That's for later.

She couldn't even find his door with how high the snow had piled around his home. Gods, she doesn't know what happened, but for a blizzard of this scale? It must have been something bad.
Nevermind that she wasn't wearing her coat. She did not care right now. All she knew was that she had to get in, NOW, before he completely snowed himself in.
If it was this dire... no, she didn't want him to be alone. She didn't want him to isolate himself more.
"Urianger!" She cried out, despite the howling of the blizzard intensifying. "I'm coming in!" Could she hear her? Well, not that it matters so much now. She dove into the snow, attempting to sink down and find the doggy door installed for Cucumber. Dislodging the whole door would be an issue, but a doggy door would be fine. She could fit.
She could barely feel the chill with how she could hear her heart in her ears. Urianger was definitely not okay: even the inside of his home was snowed in. Like he was trying to suffocate himself in snow. Like he was trying to isolate himself.
She could hear snorting. That was something, at least. And then--through the snow, a heart-shaped hoof punched through and burrowed her out.
"Oh, Cucumber. Thank you." She cooed, squeezing herself out. "Where's Uri?"

"Can you take me to him?"

She followed him through the halls and down to his bedroom, where he had locked his door. Cucumber slipped through the doggy door, but Phae stood outside, giving a soft knock.
"Uri, it's me. Do you want me to come in or stay out here?"

Silence. Utter silence, but the cold almost had turned the door to ice as she knocked on it. Cucumber couldn't help but stick their head out again, to check. Concern all over their face, before going back in.
It didn't sound like he was going to reply.

"I'll stay out here for now. I don't know what's happening but... please... don't close off. Please. I'm begging you." Her voice was so desperate and... a little afraid?
"Please let me be here for you."

It wasn't his voice that spoke out. But a voice did vibrate.
" L e a v e . "

She shivered, goosebumps spreading across her exposed skin, frost coating her arms. That voice was unlike any she had heard.. but it was unmistakeable in its source.
"No. Not until I know you're okay. I'm not leaving you to isolate yourself and suffer alone!" her voice trembled "You know I'd always give you a choice. You know I'd always, always give you an option and respect your decision. But I can't let you do this..."
Softer, she spoke, trying to coax Cucumber out. "Hey, hey, c'mere."

"Shhh.. Shh. Just do what you do best. Here." She plucked a flower from her crown and handed it to Cucumber, placing it in their mouth. "Give it to Uri, okay? Just stay calm."
And squeezed back in through the doggy door they went.
"I'm right here. I'm staying here with you, Uri."

Who knows if he took the flower or not. He would not confirm or deny it.
But the voice shuddered as it talked. "Go to your /brother/." There was ice in the voice, the blizzard still battering down.
But when Cucumber was next called out - still so shaken - the flower was gone.

Oh, that turned her blood to ice. How did he find out? How did he know? How, how, how?
"Oh baby, you're doing a great job. I'm sorry, Cucumber."

"You're right. But please, hang in there. He needs you. We need you."
She pet his ears a bit, and for a moment it seemed like Cucumber would start... purring? But then it stopped, and he rushed back inside to comfort him once more.
As Cucumber pressed his tiny hearts to Urianger's arm, it would feel warm like Phae's touch.
"I'm so sorry, Urianger. Really... I don't know how you found out. But I was going to tell you soon—I just didn't know when. I didn't think he was wild enough to come here on his own."

"Why won't you listen."
Oh, that was even colder - the tongue was almost sounding like the fair folk. It continued to echo, as Cucumber kept trying so hard.

"Why do you want me to leave?"
Her voice was quieter, and the silence that followed only amplified the howling winds outside.
Not that it mattered. She knew the Fae folk were okay. And if they weren't, well they had Katt to help.
"Tell me what you'd like. If you can't say it with words, use Cucumber. They.. if you let them, they can taste a bit of your emotion and interpret it to me. Please don't close off."

The air was heavy, painful.
But the voice was silent. Cucumber began to nibble, to sample the emotion.
But even a tiny bit was too much, and Cucumber went crying out of the room. Too much, too much--! phae

She grasped Cucumber and held onto them tight, hugging them to her chest.
"Shh, shh... I've got you. Thank you, Cucumber. You're doing amazing." She cooed, squeezing.
Ah, Cucumber was silent now. Trembling in her arms. But she felt it. "Are you okay going back in?"

"Be good, little one." She whispered, letting Cucumber run back inside to Urianger.
"I'm sorry, Urianger. I'm sorry it happened. I wanted to talk to you about it before, just to give you time to process it all... But he showed up without telling anyone and now... Gods. I'm sorry." She shuffled over to lean against the wall, avoiding contact with the icy door.
"It's not fair. None of this is fair at all. Why is he allowed to pass freely, yet you're stuck here and trapped? Why does everything get to be okay for him and yet you're stuck here, unable to leave and go anywhere?" She shook her head and brushed the ice crystals from her skin.

The ice was now seeming to shine. Frozen, nearly fully opaque. The blizzard grew heavier.
"...fate is cruel."
It sounded defeated, but the doggy door was beginning to freeze up again.
The blizzard grew in strength.

"Fate is terrible. It plays tricks upon those who only deserve the best. Who only deserve love. Yet fate chooses to taunt them in the most sickeningly painful ways." She looked at the doggy door, and held a hand to her chest. He was closing himself off, and she could see the snow building. This was going to be a tricky situation to navigate.
"You are not alone... Despite it all, I will stay here and support you. I'm not leaving you to trap yourself in your home alone. I'm not leaving you to bury yourself alive. I'm not leaving you behind."

And there were a few fruitless bangs on the door. Cucumber trying to help how they can, for they were feeling weak from how strong his emotions were. "Then /I/ will leave."

"And where will you go?" She stood, standing as close to the door as she could bear. "Please... Please do not do this."

"Leave /me/ /alone/!" Was all the voice said... ...before there was a harsher blast of the winter. It was growing worse and worse... even her compassion wasn't reaching him.

Gods... she was so conflicted at this. What did she do? Respect his wishes and leave him be? If she were to do that... would she not simply be solidfying his insecurities? Confirming the doubts that were surely plaguing him right now? But no.. she might be hurting him more...
"I don't want to lose you too." She mumbled before she could stop it from coming from her mouth. Selfish.. it sounded so selfish. She cursed herself for saying such a thing. "I can't..." Stop, stop, please, stop. 110 more replies

Of course. Of course she'd say that. Lose him? Hah. How much of him was left? After everything he was forced though? She would finally hear something from the Elezen. A soft sniffle. Before he closed himself up again, letting the storms hide him. "Why."

"Because no matter what happens. You wriggled into my heart and I can't let you go. I can't." Her words screamed directly from her heart, if her wavering voice and trembling hands were anything to go by. "No matter what changes... you're always my Uri. You're always always my Urianger. Nothing that happens can take away what you mean to me." She hugged herself. She wanted to be in there, holding him while he cried. But she was out here, helpless, and Gods. Making it worse, even. "I'd not be here if I did not care for you with all of my heart."

...she cared. Or so she said. (With both her words and actions, but now Leih was here, now her brother was here. Now somebody else was here to get everything.) The silence was deafening. No, worse then deafening. Each moment that he didn't move, that nothing was done, was another moment that she would not know what was going on. And there wasn't even any sound from Cucumber - until there were soft little footsteps, audible trough the blizzard. Cucumber had moved to his side. But there was utter silence. He should trust her. (Why?) He should let her in. (Why?) His heart bled for others. It bled too much, and had grown too cold.
The storm grew heavier. How could the house tolerate this? It was protected by magic. But the insides shook. Objects began to fall from shelves, though they wouldn't break. But there was no reply. Nothing at all.

She could feel her heart in her throat, and she choked back the urge to let her fear overwhelm her. Maybe this was what he needed. Maybe what he needed was a moment to let it out, to unleash his emotions he had bottled inside. New approach.
She inhaled deeply, closing her eyes and leaning against the wall. She'd let him ride out this emotion... Let him feel it all. Perhaps it was what he needed. And when he calmed, she would be here, no matter how long it took. No matter how many little crystals of ice formed on her skin, or how cold she became.

Cucumber stumbled out of the room soon... near-frozen, barely able to move their legs. Paw prints on the ground, it was too cold for a porxie. Still, they wouldn't crack and break. They couldn't. What could they do? Why had Phae gone quiet? phae

The noise alerted her to Cucumber's presence and she dropped down to the ground to grasp hold of them. She clutched them to her chest, trying to use her body heat to warm them. "It's okay, if you want to let it out..." She spoke softly, to Urianger.

...still nothing. Nothing but the tremors, but the blizzard and the sheer cold. If Phae didn't do something soon, it would likely get worse for her. Was Urianger holding back? Or was Urianger unleashing his sorrow? phae

She was definitely becoming paler, definitely losing a bit of colour. Aye, it would get worse, but.. she would endure. "Down the hall, to the left. Fetch me a blanket or two." She whispered to Cucumber, limbs defrosted. She could see her breath forming, teeth chattering. "I'll be here for you, even if it kills me. I will not abandon you. I can't." She spoke, crouching in on herself to preserve warmth. Her adrenaline was running low. She needed to do something... but she did not know what.

The voice returned, as Cucumber went to get blankets. It was harsher. Colder. But it repeated only one word. "Leave." phae

Cucumber returned, and she wrapped both around her and Cucumber, of whom she wrapped up within her arms. Sharing body heat, keeping each other warm. "Urianger. Can... Can I come in..?"

The voice simply continued on. But it was shaking, it was not focused. Almost as if it was not talking to her... just talking. There was no permission, but there was no rejection. phae

She looked down briefly at Cucumber, looking into those sparkly eyes at the little one who was trembling.

"I can't, Cucumber... I can't."

Phae sighed and removed the blankets, leaving Cucumber in a bundle. Then, she pushed open the doggy door, breaking through the ice. She slipped inside and immediately, her teeth chattered and she searched for him, while coaxing Cucumber back inside for the blankets. She'd burrito herself.

The... thing in the room barely looked like Urianger. It was as if he had half-shifted to his deer form, half-tried to hold it back, and the result was almost melting like snow. It did not look at her. It was not looking at anybody. At anything. It continued to repeat itself.

"Oh... Oh Gods, Urianger..." She ran forward, looking at what was becoming of him. She should have come earlier... she shouldn't have dallied so long.. She shouldn't have left him alone in there like that--Gods, what does she do? "I'm going to touch you. Okay? I'm going to put my hand right here, by your shoulder." She didn't, not just yet, giving him time to process it first, if he still could.

The creature trembled, before the room shook again. "...hurting..."

"You're hurting so badly..." She spoke softly, fingertips pressed to his shoulder lightly. Cucumber, panicked, sat between them, his snorts concerned and worried. "You've held this pain in so long, haven't you...?" Now, her full palm pressed to him, warm and soft flesh against his cold, frozen form. "I'm sorry that you endured this for so long..." Slowly, take it slowly.

His messy head tried to lift, but couldn't. No - she was hurting, wasn't she? She shouldn't be here. Nobody should be here. She already could not handle the cold... He tried to move away, but he couldn't.

She let her fingertips feel his aether, feel his condition. She still did not quite know how to interpret what she felt, but the beating of his Aether was the same as it always was. "Still you. Still in there." She whispered, reaching to hold him.
"Badump, badump, like a heartbeat. You're still here." She did not doubt his presence, yet it was reassuring.. to her, and mayhaps him as well.
"Still breathing, still living, still alive. Even through your hurt."

He's not him. There's another shudder of cold, another shudder of the room. His body couldn't stand this. He couldn't stand this. "...don't... hurt." Don't hurt yourself. Even now, he's begging for her not to hurt.

The cold gust almost made her drop her blanket. And she shook her head, tightening her grip. "I'm fine. It's you who is hurting right now. You who needs help." And now, she pulled him fully into a hug. He was frozen. So cold. She could barely handle it. But she stood her ground.

Though he wished for her to go somewhere warmer, somewhere safer, he didn't dare move. But she would feel a very heavy blanket being created around her. Before the creature seemed to melt more, a little grumpy expression crossing his face.

Warm... the blanket was soft, and warm, a nice extra layer. But she felt guilty... "Thank you for the blanket. Please don't push yourself." No doubt he was using more energy and power than he should... she did not want him to overdo it.

A hand (?) moved weakly, trying to adjust the blanket. Golden orbs burning into her soul, concern on its face. But things... well, it was still a heavy blizzard, heavier then it should be. But the creature wasn't telling her to leave anymore.

She reached up and gently pressed her hand to his cheek. She looked back at him, mismatched eyes staring right back up at him. It was a start.. it was progress. "You're doing so well, Urianger. Despite all your pain.. You still want to help. Now, let me give you back the love you always give out. It's what you deserve..." She gave him a genuine, warm smile. "I said it before, and you didn't believe me. But every word is truth. You deserve this love."

Progress would be slow. He had been trying to force himself to grow better. And it had been working. ...it had been working. Why hadn't it kept working? Why was seeing Leih the last straw? Urianger didn't know. He wanted to know, but his body seemed to move a tiny bit closer to hers. "...daughter..." he whispered, not in the voice of the fair folk.

"... I am. You're the closest thing I've ever felt to a Father. I'm glad the feeling is mutual." His own voice, it was reassuring to hear it... She pulled him in more, giving a gentle squeeze. Even Cucumber tried to nuzzle in between them, wanting to join the family cuddle.

He still was concerned, his body not moving right. But there was calmness - if only a little - beneath the pained emotions. Before all he was letting out. But another hand (?) meekly touched the shivering porxie. "...okay?"

"They're okay. They're so worried for you... They didn't know what to do." She leaned down to lift the porxie and hold them between the two. "The little guy was so protective over you..."

He was so quiet, beginning to touch Cucumber more. He keeps worrying people... everybody. He's bad. He's bad for them. He shuddered, closing his eyes.

Cucumber licked his hand, nuzzling into his touch. "I wish I knew like they did. But if Cucumber says that, then..."

A little look to Phae. "...I'm tired... ...of fighting."

"What are you fighting?" She asked, voice small. "Is it something external, or something within?"

No words this time - but he moves to slightly gesture to himself.

"Oh, Urianger..." And he was... she knew. Every single day, he was torn apart by that which resided within. Battling every pain with flourished. Fighting, always always fighting. "Just for right now... don't fight. Don't fight what you think, feel, or want... I've got you. We're staying right here. Just.. be you, and truly yourself for one moment... As long as you can handle. And I promise to you, I swear to you, I'll be here the whole time. And after. I promise, no matter what, I'll love you whatever you do."

He was still, as he began to cry. And then, he whispered. "Why... Leih? Why did fate... choose him..." Even now, he thought of others. He wasn't fighting anymore. But he was so tired. phae

She wiped his tears away as they fell, nodding as he spoke. "I don't know. I wish I knew. Why did he have to be brought here? Was it some part of Hydaelyn's twisted plans for him? Punishment to him for befriending Ascians?" She tutted. "Or worse, punishment to everyone else."

Punishment to everybody else. Punishment to him. But why? Why...? She loved him, she said. He let out another whimper, his form collapsing more.

"All I know is that none of this is your fault. And none of it is your burden to bear." No, no, no... His form melting, sinking. She'd not let her panic show. But she won't let him melt.

"I need to... I need to..." He repeated, over and over. For who else will? Everybody else hurts, everybody else has their own burdens. He can carry this.

"No, listen Uri." She tilted his face down to look at her. She would try to make him look at her in the eyes. "You are pushing yourself way too hard. I will not let you take this all upon yourself. You have enough trouble to deal with." She was forceful, but not loud.

Who knew if he was looking to her or not. Who knew if he could handle it, if he could look at anything right now. But one of his limbs was on her now, at least, as Cucumber whined. His expression was unreadable, not just because he looked like an abomination. A soft touch, though, was what he gave. "I'm tired... but they /hurt/..."

"And you? Look how much you're hurting. Look at what all the burdens and the pain have done to you." She placed her hand over his—hand? Hopefully hand. "You want to help people, I know. But let us—let /me/ help you too. You cannot be left to destroy yourself."

And then, darkness seemed to enter his voice. Even though the suffering. "You'll get hurt. I'll be stuck /watching/. Nothing to be done." Before she could refute it, his voice continued on. "Don't lie. It keeps happening. It /keeps happening/."

"People have lied in the past, but I have not thus far, have I? I told you'd I'd always be here for you, and here I stand. I told you I love you, and it is the most raw, truthful thing I have said. I promised I'd help you, and I've not even considered otherwise. I beg of you to trust me just one more time. I beg of you to place your faith in me once more that I will help you with this, that I can handle this, that I won't get hurt." She inhaled deeply, trying not to let her emotions overwhelm her words. "I would dare not lie to you."

He went silent. His form not shuddering anymore. And then, he said the gentlest thing he could. "...i trust you."

She smiled at him and rested her head against where his chest was. "Thank you. I won't let you down. You won't regret your decision."

And yet, he continued to cry. (He was crying, wasn't he? He thought he was.) "I... hate..."

She rubbed his back soothingly. "It's okay. You can say it."

"I hate this... all of this..."

"You've suffered, and continue to suffer, greatly. I wish more people would see that." She whispered, continue to soothe him.

"Why can't they...? I try to reach out..." He felt so sorrowful - but he created another blanket for her.

"They do not listen. Or.. the words fall upon deaf ears." Speaking of which, she tugged the blanket over her ears, the frost that had formed upon the hair brushes away. "Tis as if you're holding me in a warm embrace."

"I'm... very cold." He said, gently. Kindly. "I... my words cannot be listened to anymore."

"Your hugs are still as comforting as they always are. The blankets--they help. But you need not push yourself. I'm plenty warm now." She used it as a layer of warmth between them. "I will still listen. Others.. I hope they will at least try."

"...I know they try. I know they do..." But is he meant to reward them for trying, as he nuzzles into the warmth?

No. He shouldn't. "They care." Even if they showed it in strange ways, or struggled to understand him. But this was not an excuse for them, nor a cover up... "It is one thing for them to care, and another to see things are not getting better and look to find out why."

"I try to get better... why can't I?" It was a weak little whine, as he shuddered.

"You are. Oh, Urianger..." Gentle little touches to his face. Disfigured, monstrous, but him. Same touch. "This little bump does not drain away all progress you've made.. No, not one bit. You are more vocal about your struggles, more open with your emotions. Your progress is not erased by this blip in the road. But years of holding it in... Years of damage take time." She smiled to him softly. "Small steps.. you will get better."

Years. That's right, years. He... he wanted to tell everybody what he'd been though. But they seemed to... ...he let out a little whine. "...I keep slipping."

"Is there a pattern to it, or anything noticeable that causes you to slip?" She asks, thinking about it deeply. "Ma... deals with those who have something called PTSD. She says there are things called "triggers". It makes... things like this happen. Slip ups... Where it seems all progress melts away and everything is bad again. Do you know if there are things that... trigger you?"

He was near silent, before he gives a soft whine. "Everybody... everybody keeps getting into trouble. I can't stop it. I feel myself falling when I see it again. When I hear it again."

"What do you see? What do you hear...?" She reached for a hand to squeeze reassuringly.

"...every time before." It was such a simple sentence. But it was illuminating.

"E...every time before...?" She felt a slight shiver down her spine. "What... do you mean...?"

The creature curled around her. Voice barely audible. "I... don't have many memories. But I can recall the sensation. People-- people coming. Learning that every one of my allies were unable to return. Not then - or ever, for some."

She let him curl around her. Let him embrace her. She was plenty covered in blankets. ...'Twas familiar, and yet... "Uri.. If it pains you... mayhaps Cucumber can interpret for you." She looked down to the porxie between them, those sparkly eyes looking up at them. "If it is okay with them."

Urianger trembled, and sighed. The Porxie was doing so much. But he began to whine a little, communicating with the porxie. Emotions, mostly. ...And Cucumber began to tell Phae. His distorted memories of when the Brass Blades came, mixed with the Imperial Strike.

"Oh... Uri..." Her eyes began to well up a touch, and she reached out to hold onto him. Whatever she could, his face, his arm. "The scars... still long linger. A time when all were captured... And our beloved friends were murdered. You'd have witnessed." And she gulped, closing her eyes. "And /that/ night. One that threw all of which we held close to the rubble..." She shook the tears off. She shared his pain... she would not speak over it. "That it still burns to this day in the both of us... I cannot imagine how it must feel... not even being able to remember the events that caused such trauma."

One of his hands seemed to have re-formed - a little - and was holding her hand now. It still felt wrong, but it was him. He was him. "All I know is that... if I had been /better/... if something could hath changed..."

"You had done everything you could do." She squeezed, firmly. "The months following were awful. Unkind. Hells, even I was... terribly unkind to you. But it is not you to blame. Some things happen, and there is nought we can do to stop it."

"...I cannot remember that." It was true. All he could remember was the pain. The suffering. "More died, I recall. More... died, and naught could be done. But I cannot /remember/ them, Phae."

Oh. /Oh/. She... didn't realise. Papalymo.. Yda.. Loisoix... He would not have remembered. "They... they were good people. I can tell you more about them later... if you want."

"...please," he begged. "When I'm... able to remember, tell me." But... he may have PTSD? He hadn't considered it before.

"I will. I'll tell you everything I know—everything, down to the little games you and Yda would play with me when I was young. Or the endless homework you and Papalymo gave me to teach me how to read. Everything." She gripped him close. "What are you thinking right now?"

Softly, he began to hold her with slightly-reformed wings. He barely showed those... "...I'm still scared."

She reached out to run her fingers along the hasty figure of his wings, touch loving. "I don't doubt you would be.. But you have done so well to talk to me. You've done an incredible job at opening up and ceasing the fighting for a moment..." She nuzzled his form softly. "I knew you could do it. You are so much stronger than you think."

"...I really... have opened up..." he whispered, as he began to relax a little. Only a little, though.

"Like a flower." She grinned and pet his head softly. "I'm so proud of you." A little felt like so much. Little, but she would cherish this. As would Cucumber, who licked his face and snorted in approval.

Yes... like a flower, wilted but able to bloom once again. She knew the metaphors he liked. Cucumber also got some attention, though, a soft little touch. "...I think... this blizzard might last a little longer," Urianger admitted. "I still feel so distraught."

She nodded, holding Cucumber closer. "I've done what I can for the Fae folk. The amaro are fine--most took shelter on higher ground or within the ruins. The Nu Mou are staying within their caves. The pixies had some trouble, but they're taking shelter within some of the homes.

"...I am so glad. I'd not wish to-- well. You know how much I dislike harming others." Said with a soft laugh.

"Mmm. I would've come earlier, but that was my reasoning for it. I was herding them all inside and making sure they had food depending on how long this blizzard lasts." She let her head rest back down against his chest. She tried to hear for the sound of breathing, or his heart.

It was there. Calming. Gentle. Just as he was. "...oh, if they don't, they can ask the Queens."

"Oh, definitely. It's what they're there for, after all.. Right?" Comforting. It was such a peaceful sound... and calming, after all that just unfolded.

He was calmed, and it was wonderful. "When I... struggle like this."

"And besides, Titania is there as well. Their castle is mostly safe—the pixies can always take shelter there as well." A casual shrug, and then she began purring softly.

"Is... is Titania enjoying their vacation?" He's a little distracted, but isn't that good?

"I hope so. Truthfully, I've been so terribly busy I hadn't had a chance to check up on them." If it helped, then she'd continue to distract him.

A little nuzzle in, a little sigh. "I hope you get to enjoy it with them."